The Bottle Spin Proficiency
by Angelic Guardian
Summary: The gang throws Amy a surprise party for her birthday. Amy later decides that she wants to play Spin the Bottle, much to Sheldon's utmost chagrin.
1. Surprise Party

**Author's** **Note:** I finally wrote a BBT fic that includes all of the main characters instead of just Sheldon and Amy, haha. I had a lot of fun writing this story. It was originally going to be a oneshot, but since it was already fairly long even before it went through major revisions, my beta reader suggested that I break it up into several parts, which I agreed. So, this is going to be a four-parter.

And while I'm on the subject, I just wanna give a big shout out to my beta reader for filling in the missing pieces of this fic. You're the best, and as I've said to you personally, I can't thank you enough. :)

**Disclaimer: **The Big Bang Theory © Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady

* * *

Amy was behaving like an overactive child.

A rudimentary and rather clichéd metaphor, but it truly was the most accurate comparison Sheldon could think of in this moment. His eyes bobbed in rhythm with Amy as she rapidly hopped up and down in place beside him. Her hair jostled against her shoulders, and she wore an enormous grin that never wavered. She didn't even seem the least bit winded when she at last stopped jumping and turned to Sheldon. His body automatically jerked backwards.

"Sheldon!" she screamed in excitement.

He furrowed his eyebrows. _Why is she shouting? I'm standing right next to her._ "Amy," he replied hesitantly.

Amy's smile still didn't falter, though her eyes were now gleaming behind her glasses. _Good Lord, she isn't going to start crying, is she? _It was alarming how quickly her emotions changed, not to mention very difficult to keep track of.

"You…" she started, her voice cracking slightly. She cleared her throat and began again. "You really did all of this for me?"

Sheldon tore his eyes from Amy to look at all of his friends scattered about his apartment. A colorful banner with the words, "Happy Birthday" written in all caps hung across the window behind them. Raj wore a bright blue, cone-shaped party hat and held a beer bottle, while Penny and Bernadette each held a glass of champagne in their hands.

Of course, Sheldon had wanted no part in this party planning scheme, but when Penny had threatened to throw one of his model trains out the window if he didn't help, he'd had no choice but to concede. He'd been instructed to keep Amy busy for an hour, and thankfully, that task proved far easier than decorating the apartment.

Since it was Sunday, he'd accompanied Amy to the mall, where she'd purchased a bottle of perfume. She claimed one whiff of it would drive Sheldon "wild with desire," which had rightfully earned her an obligatory look of derision coupled with a soft snort for impact.

Now, here they were, with Amy staring at him, eagerly awaiting a response to her question, the answer to which should've been obvious her. _Does she not know me at all?_

"No, of course not," he said at last. "I had nothing to do with this."

Amy immediately frowned while Penny groaned.

"Sheldon," she chided.

He looked over at the blonde, who had the most unpleasant of looks on her face, though he truthfully couldn't fathom why.

"What?" he asked.

"What do you mean _what?" _she demanded. "How could you say you had no part in helping plan your girlfriend's surprise party?"

"Well, to be fair, he really _didn't_ help," Leonard said. "All he did was rant about how surprise parties are 'an utter waste of time' and that the element of surprise does horrible things to a person's cardiovascular system—"

Penny leaned in towards Leonard, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Sweetie," she said.

Leonard glanced at her. "Yeah?"

"Shut up," she said with a tight smile, patting his shoulder twice before releasing him.

"Right," Leonard said simply.

Sheldon stared in dismay. Leonard was so "whipped" that it was quite literally a pathetic sight to see.

"It's all right, Penny," Amy said. "After all, it was foolish of me to think that my _boyfriend _of all people would actually care enough about me to put in the time and effort into planning such a thoughtful birthday festivity for me."

There was a brief silence, until Wolowitz raised his eyebrows and loudly sucked in air through his teeth.

"Ouch. You know, Sheldon, if you and Amy were having sex, you totally wouldn't be getting any tonight."

Bernadette smacked her husband's chest with the back of her hand. Howard yelped.

"What? It's not like they do it anyway," Howard said as Bernadette continued to glare at him.

"Well, regardless, I still appreciate the lengths the rest of you went to in order to put this party together for me," Amy said, a grin slowly returning to her face. "No one's ever thrown me a surprise party before."

"Which is all the more reason you deserved one," Penny said. "We all care about you and we want you to enjoy yourself tonight."

"Thank you, bestie," Amy said sincerely. "So then, let's break out the booze and get this party started."

_"Finally,"_ Koothrappali exclaimed as he took a swig of his beer and walked over to the stereo. "Time to get crunk!"

He turned on the stereo, and an annoyingly upbeat pop song blasted through the speakers. Amy clapped her hands together and crossed the living room to get herself a drink. Penny and Bernadette joined her, while Raj and Howard started awkwardly thrusting their bodies and making strange facial expressions.

Sheldon stared out at the scene before him and sighed. This was going to be a long, _long_ evening.

* * *

Forty-five minutes into the party, Amy had ingested one glass of wine and was currently working on her second. If Sheldon were a proper judge of such things, he would probably have deemed her as "tipsy." Raj, meanwhile, was completely intoxicated and giggling like a little girl while he chatted with the women.

Sheldon sat in his spot, watching the four of them as they socialized in his kitchen. He kept his gaze on Amy. He noticed that the effervescent smile had returned to her face. She looked positively radiant and happy, while Sheldon, on the other hand, couldn't have been more miserable. He couldn't stop thinking about what she had said about him not caring about her. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt.

_Why do I feel…guilty? I've done nothing wrong._

"Having fun?" Leonard asked, taking a seat in the beige chair near the couch.

Sheldon snapped out of his musing. "What kind of question is that?"

"So that's a no then," Leonard concluded, leaning away from him and taking a sip of his beer.

Sheldon looked back at Amy. She was laughing from something Penny had just said. The stereo blaring at an obscenely high decibel made it harder for Sheldon to clearly hear her laugh, but with his Vulcan hearing he was, of course, still able to pick it up, rich and delightful as ever. She was obviously enjoying herself. That was a good sign.

_Then why can't I seem to shake off this feeling of guilt?_

He couldn't just ignore the feeling. It was eating away at him like an alien parasite slowly feasting on his organs. He needed to get rid of it somehow, and in order to do that, he knew he needed to take action. He had to show Amy that he did, in fact, care about her, much more than she knew.

_But how?_

He realized that this was the kind of thing Leonard might be able to weigh in on. After all, Leonard always seemed to be screwing things up with Penny, yet they were still together in spite of it all. For the time being, at least.

"Leonard," Sheldon said, shifting his body to face his roommate. "I have a relationship question for you."

"Oh, dear God," Leonard said.

"Excuse me. What is that supposed to mean?" Sheldon asked.

"Nothing. What's your question?"

"Well…just out of random curiosity, do you regularly express your feelings towards Penny through arbitrary romantic gestures, such as purchasing her flowers, complimenting her, or cuddling with her?"

Leonard's eyebrows scrunched downward as his mouth contorted into some bizarre geometrically-disproportionate semicircle. "Uhh…to answer those in order, occasionally, all the time, and only when she lets me."

"Interesting," Sheldon said, settling back against the couch, only to move forward again a mere second later. "And how does she generally react to those gestures?"

"Well, she'll usually thank me and tell me how sweet I am, or sometimes she'll reciprocate by giving me a compliment or even offering to pay for dinner once in a while."

"I see," Sheldon said. "And how often are these romantic overtures exchanged?"

"Look, Sheldon, if you're trying to figure out how to be more intimate with Amy without breaking your weird germaphobic lifestyle, I suggest you stop asking me personal questions about my relationship and just watch a couple of chick flicks. Trust me, they'll teach you how to be the ideal boyfriend."

Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows. _What is he implying?_ _That I'm not already an ideal boyfriend for Amy? I'm Sheldon Cooper. That, alone, should be enough._

"In fact, if you want, Penny could loan you _The Notebook," _Leonard went on. "Although, I gotta warn you, that one's a real tearjerker. Between that and _A Walk to Remember,_ I went through an entire box of tissues that night."

Sheldon stared at Leonard, astonished. "What makes you think I'm interested in being more intimate with Amy?"

"Well…are you?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon looked at his girlfriend. She was listening intently as Bernadette told them an anecdote about the latest encounter with her over-sized mother-in-law. Howard, who'd since joined the group, stood beside her with his arm wrapped around her waist.

_Remarkable. Even the small-minded Wolowitz knows the precise combination of when to give his significant other physical affection and just the right method to use._

Sheldon was beginning to think that it wasn't something learned but rather innate. After all, if someone with only a Master's Degree knew, then it must've been based on instinct rather than through social conditioning.

Or perhaps it was a bit of both.

Sheldon's gaze wandered back to Amy. She raised the glass of wine to her lips and took another sip. He hated when she drank alcohol, but he noticed that she seemed to be taking her time tonight. It seemed as though she didn't want to be so inebriated to the point where she couldn't remember the events of this evening, a night spent with her closest friends, all of whom cared about her deeply.

And then there was Sheldon.

He suddenly felt a tight swelling in his throat. He swallowed, but the dry, tightening sensation only seemed to worsen as he continued staring at her. His eyes followed the exuberant look on her face, a look he, himself, hadn't put there.

He groaned softly to himself as the pang of guilt struck him once more.

"So, birthday girl, what do you want to do now? Maybe play a fun party game?" Penny asked.

"Hmm," Amy hummed, glancing around at the circle of friends. Strangely, her eyes landed on Raj, who was still clutching a beer bottle in his hands. Amy's eyes lit up with an idea. She leaned towards Penny and whispered something in her ear.

Penny's eyebrows furrowed. "Really? _That's_ the game you want to play?"

"Yes, I've never played it before, and I've always wanted to," Amy said.

"Well, I've played it too many times, but not since like, the seventh grade," Penny said.

"What game?" Leonard asked, getting up to join the group.

Penny looked at him. "Spin the Bottle."

Six pairs of eyes slowly locked onto Sheldon. His own eyes widened as the reality of what that meant abruptly sank in. His heart slammed unmercifully in his chest as his blood ran cold in his veins. He stared back at all of them one by one until his terrified gaze inevitably ended up on Amy.

He'd heard of that game, of course. His twin sister used to play it with her friends on many occasions when they were young. He knew exactly what it entailed: sitting in a circle on the dirty floor, spinning an empty bottle and kissing whomever it landed on, while everyone else gaped and hollered at them like feeble-minded simpletons.

He would not be having any part of it.

"No," he declared.

That troubling frown returned to Amy's face. He seemed to be doing an outstanding job at making her unhappy lately. "Why not?"

"Why _not?_ Where do I even begin?" Sheldon asked, rising to his feet and walking over to everyone. "Would you care for an itemized list sorted by order of importance?"

"Oh, God, Sheldon, cut the crap already and let Amy have some fun," Penny said. "This day isn't about you."

He frowned, taken aback. "I never said it was."

"You didn't have to. The fact that you're acting like a total ass says it all."

Sheldon stared at Penny. "I am by no means behaving like a total…" He trailed off and cleared his throat, deciding to direct his attention to Amy, who placed her glass of wine on the kitchen counter and folded her arms over her chest defiantly. "Just answer me this, Amy. What good do you think will come of playing that game? Chances are you'll have to kiss someone other than myself, which you know is in direct violation of the Relationship Agreement."

Amy didn't say anything. What could she say? His logic was irrefutable. Sheldon could feel a smirk coming on, but he restrained himself, for he didn't want to appear too cocky. Still, he was confident that she knew he was right. He always was.

"Furthermore," he went on, just to be certain that she would agree, "you may have to kiss Howard, which would be a horrific thing to witness, let alone experience." He looked at Bernadette. "No offense."

"Excuse me," Howard scoffed. "You just insulted _me,_ not her."

He purposely ignored Howard, who was now releasing a heavy sigh and mumbling something about how Sheldon was a "son of a bitch."

"So, Amy, is that really a risk you're willing to take?" Sheldon asked.

"I'll admit that you raise a valid point, but quite frankly, I don't care," Amy said. "If I have to kiss Howard, I'll suck it up and do it. I'm sure it won't be any worse than having to swap saliva with Leonard." She flashed a look at Penny. "No offense, bestie."

"What the hell? I would have you know I am an excellent kisser," Leonard said, turning to his girlfriend. "Tell her I'm not a bad kisser."

Penny smiled tightly and patted his back. "You're not a bad kisser. In fact, you've really improved a lot over the years."

Leonard smiled at first, but as the rest of what she said seemed to sink in, he frowned, not looking the least bit comforted.

"Are we going to do this or not?" Raj asked. "'Cause if we are, I need to put on some lip balm. Soft, kissable lips don't just happen, you know."

"Well? What do you say, Sheldon?" Amy asked.

Sheldon blinked. He had not anticipated this. Apparently, a new tactic was required. He straightened his shoulders and crossed his arms.

"You can't make me play."

"Fine," Amy said. "If you don't want to play, then you can just sit back and watch as the rest of us do."

"Watch as you exchange germs with everyone? I don't think so," Sheldon said, uncrossing his arms.

"Oh, grow up, Sheldon. Stop trying to control Amy," Penny snapped.

"Yeah, dude, don't be a party pooper," Raj added.

Sheldon drowned out their petty remarks and kept all of his focus on Amy. She seemed so unhappy. The guilt he'd been fighting off returned. Was he being fair? Should he give in? He _did_ want her to enjoy herself, but why did it have to be this game of all things?

_What if _I_ have to kiss someone else?_

The notion of having to kiss Amy in front of everyone was shocking enough. Yet, he could admit—to himself at least—that he wouldn't mind feeling her lips against his again. After all, it had happened before, and he didn't necessarily object to the idea of having it happen again. In fact, lately, it was something he'd been considering more and more. But to have to kiss someone who was _not _Amy? The mere idea of that was abhorrent.

_But it's what she wants. It's her birthday. As her boyfriend, I should give her what she wants._

He stared into Amy's eyes, searching for the right answer. His conscious was screaming at him, pulling him in two different directions: go along with it for the sake of Amy's happiness, or sit by and watch as they play the game without him.

Amy looked away from him, frowning in obvious disappointment.

He was hit with a rush of panic.

_Maybe I can do this._

The moment he thought that, though, his panic worsened.

_Oh, God_, _what am I thinking? I can't do this. I _won't_ do this._

_No._

_No._

_Absolutely not._

_NO._


	2. Beer Bottle of Doom

_What have I gotten myself into?_

The seven of them sat on the floor. Going clockwise, it was Raj, Howard, Bernadette, Penny, Amy, Leonard and finally Sheldon, who sat leaning against the couch just below his spot, trying to remember how to breathe.

_Inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. Repeat. Good. Just stay calm and don't panic, and for heaven's sake, do not faint._

"Okay, so the rules are simple," Penny said.

They had moved the table out of the way so that Raj's empty beer bottle lay directly in the middle of the floor, which was a travesty in and of itself for many reasons, but that was the least of Sheldon's worries right now.

"You take the bottle, spin it, and whoever it lands on, you have to kiss them," Penny explained.

"All right, now, quick question, what are the guidelines for the kiss?" Howard asked. "Closed lips only, or is a little tongue acceptable?"

_There are going to be tongues involved? Oh, dear Lord!_

Sheldon's breath hitched in his throat. From his peripheral view, he saw Leonard's head turn to look at him, but he kept his eyes solely focused on the dreaded glass beer bottle of doom. He needed to figure this out.

Mathematically speaking, after eliminating the person spinning the bottle, there was a one in six chance that the bottle would land on him. However, one also had to take into account the centripetal force of which the bottle moved, which required an entirely different formula. He knew he could easily do the math in his head to calculate that number. First, he would need to figure out the bottle's mass.

"Dude, you're married," Raj admonished.

"Yeah, _dude," _Bernadette sneered in a convincingly threatening tone despite her high-pitched voice.

"I was just asking," Howard said defensively.

"Let's keep 'em closed, okay?" Penny said. "Amy, you wanna start?"

"Heck, yes. The birthday girl wants some sugar," Amy said excitedly as she grabbed the bottle by the thicker end and spun it.

Sheldon's heart dropped.

_No, I haven't finished my calculations._

The bottle quickly spun around several times, and as it slowed in motion, it just narrowly passed Bernadette and stopped to point at Penny.

"All right, girl kiss! Let's see some tongue," Raj said, and all six of them looked up at him with looks of deep shock and confusion. The wide grin on his face dropped. "What?"

Penny shrugged, and with that she turned her head towards Amy and leaned in, planting a closed-mouth kiss against her lips.

Sheldon's eyes widened. _Penny is kissing my girlfriend. _Penny _is kissing _my _girlfriend. Oh, the humanity._

He'd seen this before, of course, but Amy hadn't been his girlfriend then. Now, it just seemed…wrong.

"Oooh," Bernadette said teasingly.

Penny pulled away and smacked her lips together, grinning lightly.

"That was quite enjoyable," Amy said seriously. She turned to Leonard. "You're a lucky man, Leonard."

"Uhhh…thank you?" he replied uneasily.

"Okay, my turn," Penny said. She grabbed the bottle and spun it with a fancy flick of her hand.

_Oh, dear God, just think where that mouth of hers has been. Please don't land on me. Please don't land on me. _

The bottle spun several times, this time slowing down to land on Bernadette.

"All _right,"_ Raj said, rubbing his hands together in glee. "Come on, let's show Big Daddy Raj a little tongue."

Bernadette and Penny looked at him. "Big Daddy Raj?" Penny asked, arching an eyebrow.

Raj shrugged, grinning. Bernadette then looked at her husband, who also shrugged.

"Just a little tongue?" he added, a pout on his face. "It's not like it's cheating, Bernie."

"You guys are pervs," Penny said.

"Give it to her good, bestie," Amy said encouragingly.

Penny glanced at Amy, unamused, before turning back to Bernadette. Penny let out a sigh. The two women simultaneously leaned forward, closing their eyes as their lips met. There was little to no movement from either of them, just two pairs of lips pressing together for roughly five seconds, until they both pulled back at relatively the same time.

_How, exactly, do they both know the appropriate time to end the kiss? _

Sheldon assumed that setting must be one of the factors taken into account. Being that this was a social setting, it was clearly inappropriate for a kiss to last longer than a few seconds. It was more casual, a peck on the lips that didn't last too long.

_I think I can do that. As long as it's with Amy. But where exactly is the line drawn between kissing and "making out?" Is it the length? The hand placements? The use of…tongue?_

Now fully immersed in his thoughts, Sheldon hadn't realized that Bernadette had spun the bottle until he looked up in time to see Bernadette and Howard kissing one another with much more passion. Bernadette's hand was on Howard's shoulder, while Howard's hand was pressed against her lower back. Howard's jaw stretched open, deepening the kiss in its intimacy.

_Well, this makes my previous hypothesis moot._

Upon further consideration, though, Sheldon decided that perhaps it did make sense for a kiss to be more profound in this instance, as they were husband and wife, which clearly constituted for a much deeper level of physical intimacy.

_Sheldon, will we ever have an intimate relationship?_

A chill shot down Sheldon's spine as Amy's voice replayed in his mind. He squirmed on the floor. This was highly uncomfortable. He needed to figure out how to get out of this. He wanted to be more intimate with Amy, but not here, not now. He needed more time to think about it and figure out how to proceed.

Howard spun the bottle next, and the engineer's jaw went slack when the bottle pointed to Raj.

"Ooh, that's awkward," Leonard commented.

"I'll just spin again," Howard said, reaching for the bottle, but Bernadette's small hand stopped him.

"No, no, you know the rules," Bernadette said with a sickeningly sweet smile. "But don't worry, Howie. Kissing your best friend won't count as cheating."

Howard stared at his wife, growing paler by the second. For once, Sheldon was right there with him. Imagining kissing Penny or Bernadette was bad enough, but the idea of kissing one of his male friends was repulsive on a whole new level. Sure, the four of them had once slept together naked, but that had been for the sake of survival.

Raj, meanwhile, clearly too drunk to care, grabbed his best friend's face. "Come on, dude, it's not like we haven't done this before," he said, and before Howard had time to pull away, Raj dove forward, kissing the shorter man directly on his open jaw. Howard let out a stifled noise of protest and tried to pull away, but Raj just clutched him tighter, refusing to let go.

Sheldon wrinkled his nose at the sight. It was downright disturbing to watch.

Luckily, it didn't last long as Howard finally broke away, sputtering and wiping indignantly at his mouth.

"Hey, you don't have to act so disgusted," Raj said in a hurt tone.

"I'm not acting!" Howard insisted.

"Whatever, pretend all you want, but you _know_ I'm a great kisser. It's all in the lip balm. That's why, back in New Delhi, all the women called me Soft Lips Koothrappali," Raj said, taking the bottle and spinning it while Howard continued to vigorously wipe his mouth on his sleeve.

_I wonder which of us will be the next poor victim. Leonard and I are the only ones who haven't had to suffer the misfortune of kissing one of these…_

His thoughts went blank. Raj's spin had landed on Amy.

"Ooh, now we're talking," Penny said.

"Yeah, lay a big wet one on her, Raj," Bernadette squealed.

Amy looked at Raj. Sheldon looked at him as well. Since the astrophysicist was sitting right beside him, he was able to distinctly see dilation in Raj's pupils, signaling a rush of adrenaline, which could've indicated a number of emotions. The likeliest was that he was either scared or aroused.

Either way, Sheldon didn't like it.

"No," he said, and instantly he felt everyone look at him, but he didn't care. He only had eyes for Amy. He could feel a strange tightening sensation in his throat as he looked at her. There was a stinging feeling spreading through his chest as well.

_What _is _this feeling? I don't like it at all. How do I get it to stop?_

"No?" Amy repeated.

"I won't allow it," Sheldon said firmly.

"'You won't allow it?' What are you talking about? You didn't say anything a moment ago when Penny and I kissed," Amy pointed out.

"That's entirely different," Sheldon countered. "Penny's a floozy who will kiss anybody."

"What? Hey!" Penny interjected.

"Sheldon," Leonard scolded.

"Besides," Sheldon went on, not letting either of them derail him, "after watching you two kiss twice now, I can plainly see that there is no potential for sexual arousal between the two of you."

"Whoa," Howard said, "Penny and Amy kissed before?" He turned to his wife. "What exactly do you guys do on those girls' nights, anyway? Can I come to the next one?"

Bernadette clocked him on the head, while Sheldon continued his point, unabated.

"Raj, however, has sexual arousal for any female who kisses him. Therefore, I will not permit you to kiss him, Amy."

"Well, you know what?" Amy said, her tone sounding incredibly antagonistic. "It's my birthday, and I can kiss whoever I want to."

"Yeah, that's right. You tell him, Ames," Penny cheered.

"C'mere, Rajesh," Amy said, full of vigor.

The next thing Sheldon knew, Amy was propping herself on her knees and crawling toward Raj, who was sitting perfectly still, although his pupils were more dilated than ever. Once Amy reached him, she closed her eyes and clumsily leaned forward. Her mouth pressed against his, hard, catching Raj off-guard for a moment, but then he composed himself and closed his own eyes, bringing up a hand to cradle the back of Amy's head.

Sheldon felt his face boil. _Rage. That's what this is. Definitely rage. Dear Lord, make it stop._

Amy pulled back, grinning widely. Raj slowly opened his eyes and blinked. He looked momentarily disoriented before he slowly cracked a small smile.

"Okay, that was pretty sexy," he admitted.

"I agree," Amy said with a nod as Raj finally released her. She backed away and took her place in the circle, touching the corner of her mouth with her index finger.

Everyone was entirely quiet. Sheldon wished now more than ever that he'd perfected time travel so he could go back in time and make it so that this party never happened. This was the absolute worst moment of his life.

_Is this my punishment for not being a more caring boyfriend?_

"Oh, right, it's my turn to spin," Amy said, grabbing the bottle and spinning it. "Maybe this time it'll land on you, Leonard." She nudged him with her shoulder, and his eyes widened.

"Oh-hh, yeah, wouldn't that be…something," Leonard said shakily.

_It would be equivalent to an apocalypse is what it would be. I need to get out of here right now._

Suddenly, everyone was staring at him.

_Can they hear my thoughts? No, that's impossible. I'm not thinking rationally. I need to…to…_

Slowly, his eyes traveled downward, and his throat nearly closed altogether.

The bottle was pointing at him.


	3. Guilt and Jealousy

_OH, DEAR GOD, WHAT DO I DO NOW?_

Even more slowly, he looked up to see everyone still staring at him, their eyes wide and eager. They were like hungry wolves. Sheldon hated this attention. He turned his head, only to meet Amy's penetrating gaze. Leonard was sitting between the two of them, but it no longer felt like he was there. It felt like none of them were there apart from Amy and himself.

Sheldon swallowed. He felt trapped in his body. In Amy's eyes. In this moment. He couldn't breathe. Was he starting to perspire? He definitely was. He needed to shower. It was getting late now. He needed to go to bed. Yes. He needed sleep. He needed to go for a walk. He needed _something._

"Well, come on," Penny said. "Kiss her already, Sheldon. Hell, three years of unresolved sexual tension has got to make you want to do _something."_

"Yeah, aren't you gonna take a stand and claim back your territory after Raj laid his hands all over your woman?" Howard asked.

"I was just playing the game," Raj said, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Sheldon?" Amy said softly. "Are you all right?"

"Would it help if I moved?" Leonard asked. "I think I'm gonna move. I'm feeling really uncomfortable sitting here."

Leonard crawled across the circle, over to Penny, where he took a seat between her and Bernadette, leaving an empty space between Sheldon and Amy.

"Sheldon?" Amy repeated.

He couldn't speak. His thoughts were racing.

_Amy just kissed Raj. And Penny. In the last ten minutes. She kissed them, and now, if I were to kiss her, it would be like I'd be kissing them. All of their bacteria._

_No._

_This is not all right._

"I need to go to bed," Sheldon announced, and with that he promptly got up and walked down the hallway towards his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

The moment he was inside, he slumped against the door. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. He was definitely going to have to check his blood pressure tomorrow to make sure his heart was still functioning correctly.

He closed his eyes, but the moment he did, he saw the horrible image of Amy's lips fused against Raj's. Sheldon's eyes flew back open with a sharp intake of breath. He walked away from the door and took a seat on his bed.

This was too much. He couldn't handle the fact that Amy had actually kissed Raj, and even worse, that she evidently had no problem doing it. He wondered if she enjoyed it. Raj had called it "sexy," and she'd agreed.

_What would she have said if I'd kissed her just now? What would everyone else had said?_

He knew these questions would remain unanswered. This was the penalty he had to face for being such a coward. He knew Amy wanted more from him physically, but he just wasn't ready. The touching. Everyone staring at them. It was too much to ask for. She needed to understand that. She needed to understand that he wanted to _want_ to do it, but he couldn't.

Three knocks sounded at his door. "Sheldon."

His hands clenched.

It was Amy.

There were three more knocks. "Sheldon."

His hands loosened.

And finally, three more. "Sheldon."

_She's mocking me._

"Come in," he said, despite everything.

The door creaked open, and Amy came into view. She had a grave look on her face. After stepping inside and gently closing the door behind her, she didn't move closer, but stayed right where she was, her hands hanging listlessly at her sides.

"May I sit down?" she asked.

Sheldon said nothing. His throat felt dry again. He must be dehydrated. _Yes. That is the only logical explanation._

He held up his hand to the empty spot on his bed. There was a moment of hesitation before Amy walked towards him, brushing past him as she took a seat in the empty spot on his bed. He tried not to look at her, but it was proving to be a difficult task.

"Sheldon, are you upset because I kissed Raj?" Amy asked point-blank.

"I'm not upset," Sheldon said. That wasn't the right emotion he had felt, or even was still feeling. It was something much more intense than that, much more painful.

"Then what _are_ you feeling?" she asked. It was the one question he couldn't accurately answer.

"I don't know," he said truthfully. His gaze dropped to look at the floor. He noticed a spot of lint. He needed to vacuum.

Amy's hand touched his. He felt his heart jump as his head snapped back up to her.

"Sheldon," she said pleadingly, though her voice was still very soft. "Talk to me. Please."

"There's nothing to talk about," he said simply. "You asked if I was upset, and I just informed you that I wasn't. Let's just leave it at that."

"But you're clearly unhappy right now, Sheldon," Amy said.

He looked down between them. Amy's hand was still gently resting atop his, but it only lasted a couple seconds longer before she moved her hand away.

"It doesn't matter," he said, still looking down, feeling a bit disappointed. "This day isn't about me. Penny made the fact known that it is _your _birthday. Therefore, your happiness should override my own. If I want to be a good boyfriend, I should accept this."

"I can't be happy knowing that _you're_ not happy," Amy said.

_Why is she succeeding at making me feel so guilty?  
_

He realized that part of the guilt was because he wasn't being entirely honest with her. There was something else troubling him, weighing him down. He'd felt it when Amy and Raj had kissed.

_Envy._

His eyes widened. Of course.

"I was jealous."

"What?"

"I was jealous when you kissed Raj," Sheldon said. "That was the emotion I was feeling. Jealousy."

"Sheldon, I…I'm really sorry. It meant nothing."

He stared into her eyes. He wished he was better at reading her emotions. Maybe then he wouldn't be in this whole mess.

"I know," he said. "It's all right."

"No, it's not," Amy said. "You were right. I violated the Relationship Agreement, and that was an incredibly cruel thing of me to do. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. I guess I was just angry that you were trying to boss me around, and I felt the need to go against you in order to teach you a lesson. But now I realize that you didn't deserve that. I don't know what else to do but apologize. I hope you can forgive me."

Sheldon stared at her, taking in the worry in her eyes. She just didn't get it, did she? The answer was so simple to him, written plainly as though it were concrete. If he had just showed her he cared a little more, not just tonight, but every single day, with compliments and small romantic gestures, maybe _then_ she wouldn't have to go to such drastic measures in order to get his attention.

In that sense, this was all _his_ fault.

"Amy," he started.

"Yes?"

He continued staring into her eyes, already beginning to lose his nerve.

_No. I must stay on track. _

"I…"

She waited. He sighed.

"I do forgive you."

Her lips twitched upward. "Really?"

"Yes," Sheldon said, though for some reason, he didn't feel any better. He needed to know something else. "Amy?"

"Yes?" she asked again.

"Were you…offended that I didn't kiss you?"

Amy hesitated, her teeth clamping down against her bottom lip. "No."

Sheldon gave her a stern look. "Is that an honest answer?"

She frowned. "No."

_Drat. I knew it._

"I apologize for offending you. That was not my intention," Sheldon said, hoping that would make it better.

"I know it wasn't," Amy replied. "You were scared. I get it."

Silence fell between them. It was incredibly heavy. Sheldon couldn't take one more minute of this. The guilt was crushing down again. She was so forgiving, and he knew he didn't deserve it. _Why is this so difficult?  
_

"You should go back out there and enjoy the rest of your party," he said decisively.

"Actually, I think I've had enough fun for one night," Amy said. "I'm going to turn in."

"Are you sure you're all right to drive?" Sheldon asked in concern. "You did have two full glasses of wine. That's equivalent to ten fluid ounces, which converts to twenty-four percent of alcohol, which means that it'll take you—"

"I'm spending the night at Penny's," Amy interrupted him.

"Oh," he said, pausing a moment. "Well, in that case, be careful crossing the hall."

Amy smiled. Somehow, though, she didn't appear happy.

"I will," she said, rising to her feet. "Goodnight, Sheldon."

She walked towards his door and opened it, leaving the room without another word. Sheldon stared out at the closed door long after she left.

"Goodnight, Amy," he whispered to himself.

He continued sitting there for a very long time, replaying every single moment of the evening in his mind, trying to figure out how to amend his wrongs.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I realize this chapter may not have been very exciting, but don't worry. You'll get plenty of Shamy goodness in the next and final chapter. I promise. ;)


	4. Dessert First

_I'm in hell. That's all there is to it. My life has become hell.  
_

Four days had gone by since the party, and during those four days, Sheldon had very little contact with Amy. He texted her to make sure she'd gotten home safe and sound the following morning, and she assured him that she did. He purposely kept all of their subsequent conversations very brief, answering her only when it was necessary. He made excuses that he was busy at work and that Kripke was being more impossible than usual.

Amy was very forgiving and understanding, as always. It was as though she were being purposely delicate with him, afraid to make a wrong move or say the wrong thing. In actuality, Sheldon was the one who needed to be careful. He'd raked his brain the past four nights, getting very little sleep, and when he did sleep, he'd dream of Amy, the forlorn look in her eyes when she'd entered his room to talk to him, in stark contrast to the dazzling expression on her face after she'd kissed Raj.

For the first time in his life, Sheldon was at a true loss for what to do. He knew Leonard was very much aware of his inner-turmoil. After all, he had done a double take when Sheldon didn't protest against him wanting to watch _Babylon 5, _but he didn't bother to press his roommate on the matter. Clearly, Leonard wasn't compassionate enough to ask his best friend what was troubling him.

Sheldon capped the blue marker he'd been using and set it down on the ledge of the dry erase board set up in his living room. He'd thought science would help ease his mind, but his wandering thoughts always found their way back to Amy.

He walked over to his spot and sat down. Perhaps he'd turn on the television and distract himself by watching the local news.

His phone beeped with a new text message. He reached into his pocket and withdrew it, looking at the screen to see that it was from Amy. He opened the message:

_We're still on for date night, correct? I'll pick you up at the usual time._

Sheldon texted her back a simple, straightforward: _Yes. I'll see you tonight._ He set his phone down and reached for the remote, but his hand stopped midway and fell back to rest on the armrest. He stared out blankly at the television, but it didn't matter because his thoughts were keeping him fully occupied.

_Three years of unresolved sexual tension has got to make you want to do _something.

What did Penny know about unresolved sexual tension? Surely she was no expert. She had intercourse all the time.

_Are you ever gonna sleep with Amy?_

_It's a possibility._

Too many thoughts. Too many voices. Too many possibilities. Sheldon closed his eyes and groaned. The guilt was gnawing away at his brain, driving him to near insanity. He couldn't handle living with this feeling a moment longer. It was getting in the way of every major aspect of his life: his work, his sleep schedule, his relaxation time.

_Oh, Amy, if you only knew how much mental and emotional torment you've been putting me through._

He needed to make things right with her. It was the only solution. However, the problem still remained that he didn't know what to do in order to fix it. He wanted to show Amy that he cared about her, but doing something so frivolous like buying her a bouquet of flowers not only seemed extremely tacky, but it simply wasn't the right way to show Amy just how much she truly meant to him.

He recalled the emotions he'd felt as he stared at Amy after the bottle had landed on him. He'd felt heat rise through his body, along with clammy palms, an elevated heart rate and the like.

_Was that…arousal?_

The mere thought of that had Sheldon's heart racing all over again. A part of him had wanted to kiss Amy, but the more substantial, logical part of him had been wholeheartedly against it. Too many germs, not to mention everyone would've been watching. He knew for a fact that each one of their friends would've had some unabashed sexual comment to make. He never would've heard the end of it. First, it would be about their kissing, and then, before he knew it, they'd be making crude comments about Sheldon and Amy's escapades in the bedroom, or lack thereof.

Still, Sheldon couldn't deny the part of him that had _wanted_ to kiss her. It was miniscule, but it was there. He could feel tension mounting within him, that same pounding, frustrating feeling he'd felt that day when Amy had tried to prove to him that he had a compulsive need for closure. Her trivial experiments had proved absolutely nothing, of course. He didn't have a problem with closure. He didn't feel the need that he had to complete that stupid Spin the Bottle game by…

His eyes widened. His chest slowly heaved with a heavy sigh of realization.

_Of course._

Sheldon knew exactly what he'd have to do. It would be the perfect way to satisfy Amy's baser urges as well as extinguish his disgruntling feelings of guilt and necessity to prove to Amy that he cared about her once and for all.

And, perhaps, it would also allow him to give in to his own baser urges, just this once. He couldn't avoid them forever. It wasn't doing him any good. He needed to face them head on.

With new-found determination, he stood up and strode to his bedroom to start getting ready.

_I can do this. I _will_ do this. Amy Farrah Fowler, prepare to have your metaphorical socks knocked off tonight._

* * *

By approximately 7:15 that evening, Sheldon and Amy were sitting across from one another at the Cheesecake Factory. Penny had taken their orders, and now Sheldon was watching as Amy took a sip from her glass of water with as much grace as she had when she'd been drinking wine at her party.

_Remember, this night is about wooing her. I should start with something simple. Compliments are simple.  
_

"Amy," Sheldon began. He waited for her to set down her water glass. Once she did, her lips pursed as she looked at him straight on. He swallowed nervously.

_Go on. She's waiting._

"You look…very…alluring…this evening," he said, carefully thinking over each word as he said them aloud.

He braced himself for her response. He clearly saw her pupils dilate as she released a small noise, one that he couldn't exactly pinpoint. It was high-pitched and uneven, like some sort of sound a small animal would make.

_How intriguing._

"I do?" Amy finally said, her voice soft and quivering, though with a touch of excitement. Quite a unique combination. She suddenly shuddered, her shoulders tensing and her body writhing strangely. She picked up her water glass and took another sip.

"Are you all right?" Sheldon asked in genuine concern.

Amy set down her glass. "Yes, no need to worry. I just felt a powerful tingle in my lady parts is all."

Sheldon didn't know how to respond to that, so he decided to say nothing.

"Anyway," Amy said, composing herself. She looked at Sheldon and offered him a captivating grin. "You look very handsome tonight, Sheldon."

_Interesting. Immediate reciprocity._

"Thank you," he said.

Amy grinned wider, her lips closed, her eyes looking dreadfully enticing. She seemed to be looking him over, and Sheldon suddenly felt the need to squirm for some sort of adjustment as well, but he held himself in place. Amy propped an elbow on the table and delicately rested her chin against the back of her hand. She leaned her upper body towards him, still with that enthralling look in her eyes.

Sheldon's lips parted. _Why is she leaning in so closely?_ She'd never done this before. Was it because he'd complimented her? Did he trigger some sort of brain response that only she would be able to accurately point out given that the study of the brain was her area of expertise? For a brief moment, he found himself wishing that their occupations were switched. Why didn't he know more about neurobiology? What good was physics at a time like this?

Sheldon slowly breathed in, and as he did, a dizzyingly sweet scent filled every single one of his senses, immediately clouding his thoughts. _What on earth is that intoxicating aroma?_

"Amy, are you…" Words were beginning to fail him. He desperately wished he could figure out what was wrong with him. "Are you wearing perfume?" he finally managed to ask.

Amy slowly nodded her head, her warm smile growing. "It's the perfume I bought when you accompanied me to the mall on Sunday," she said. "What do you think? Do you like it? Are you currently being driven mad with desire?"

_Is that what this is?_

"I…"

"Hey, guys, sorry for the wait. Your food should be ready any minute now," Penny cut in, startling the couple. Sheldon jumped while Amy removed her arm from the table and shot back to her chair, sitting upright. They both looked up at her, and she stared at the both of them, chewing her bottom lip. "Uh…I'm sorry, did I just…interrupt something here?"

"Yes, you did," Sheldon said. "Now, hurry up and serve us our food before you suffer a drastic decrease to your tip."

Penny's jaw hung open. She closed her mouth and nodded. "Right away, your highness," she said dryly, and with that she finally turned away and headed towards the kitchen.

Sheldon and Amy slowly looked at one another again, but now, the intense, heart-palpitating feelings of…whatever it was Sheldon was feeling, had since disappeared.

Sadly, Amy's smile had as well.

"By the way," Sheldon said, deciding to bring up a new topic. "I've noticed you haven't inquired as to why I didn't purchase you a birthday gift."

"That's because I've come to terms with the fact that you think the concept of gift giving is a pointless social custom."

Sheldon grinned. Although, for some reason, he simultaneously felt a persistent ache in his chest. "You know me so well."

"That I do," Amy agreed.

"Still," Sheldon said, "while that is true, the fact remains that I am your boyfriend, which means that it is my responsibility to do something special for your birthday."

Amy's eyes lit up with interest, but she said nothing.

Sheldon's fingers tightened into his palms. He ran his thumb over his index finger. This was the moment. He had to forget about everyone else and only pay attention to Amy's needs. He couldn't let his fears get the best of him. He wouldn't fail at this.

Amy was staring at him intently, entirely calm, completely unaware of the emotional current crashing through his body.

He looked down at the condiments.

Ketchup bottle.

Reaching for the plastic bottle, he took it by the neck and laid it down on the table between them. His heart was beating harder than he'd ever felt it beat in his life.

With a shaking hand, he spun the bottle. It spun unsteadily only once around before it stopped, the closed cap pointing at a 45-degree angle to the left of Amy and right of Sheldon.

_Oh, for Pete's sake._

Sheldon grasped the bottle again and sharply turned it to face Amy. He then looked at her, and she looked at him. Utter silence. In that very moment, he knew that she realized what he was attempting to do. Somehow, that made it all the worse. His heart was going to burst in his chest; he just knew it.

He found himself bringing up his hands, as though he actually knew what he was doing, and gently grasped Amy's face. Her skin was cool and soft, a polar opposite to his warm, sweating palms.

Her lips parted. Sheldon exhaled.

Then, closing his eyes, he leaned forward, his lips finding—or more like stumbling—onto hers. His lips were tight and rigid, whereas hers were relaxed and flexible, slowly molding against his own. He loosened his grip on her face and allowed his fingertips to slide their way into her soft hair. Her bottom lip moved downward slightly, and Sheldon mimicked the action. He could taste more of her then. He could smell that refreshingly sweet fragrance that was her perfume. He felt a rush of endorphins, leaving him lightheaded.

_Extraordinary._

They pulled away from one another. Sheldon opened his eyes to see a look of sheer arousal in Amy's eyes. She smiled beautifully.

"Wow," she marveled as Sheldon let his hands slip from her face. She breathed out deeply, her cheeks flushed. "That was the most romantic moment I've ever experienced in my entire life."

"I'm glad," Sheldon said honestly, his head still buzzing, trying to find his equilibrium.

"Do you think we could maybe…do it again?" Amy asked.

"Again?" Sheldon repeated.

"If not, I completely understand," Amy relented. "What you did just now should hold me over for at least the next few months."

Sheldon stared at her. This new-found intimacy had already awakened feelings he'd never experienced before. They were wonderful feelings, feelings he wouldn't mind experiencing again.

"Sheldon?" Amy prompted.

He tried to snap out of his daze. She wanted him to do it again.

"Sheldon," she repeated more firmly. "I can see you're overwhelmed right now. Why don't you just forget I said anyth—"

He grabbed her face again and pulled her towards him. The action was forceful, but effective, as her lips directly crushed against his own with no hesitation. There was much more pressure behind this kiss. He held Amy in place, but she didn't seem to mind. He felt her head shift to the right, and her lips opened slightly, as did his, without him realizing it. Her breath was warm. He could feel her tongue drawing near his bottom lip. It brushed across.

_Oh, sweet heavens, yes._

His jaw loosened against hers as he began to experimentally trace her lips with his own tongue. He didn't care about the saliva, only the sensations, only the pleasure he was experiencing that he hoped she was experiencing, too. He began to slide his tongue into her mouth.

A glass shattered, causing them to jerk apart. Sheldon's heart was pounding erratically. He looked up to see a shocked Penny.

"Holy _crap. _You two were _actually…"_ She blinked and shook her head as she trailed off, apparently unable to finish.

Sheldon had no patience to put up with her nonsense.

"That better not have been my burger you just dropped," he said, knowing very well that it was, as she was only holding one plate, and it had Amy's meal on it.

Penny looked down at the floor. French fries and broken glass were everywhere.

"Umm…"

"Don't worry about it. I won't take away any money from your tip. Just leave Amy's dinner here and get me a new burger."

"Uh…right…"

She didn't move.

"Please, sometime today, bestie," Amy said. "I'm quite famished."

"Uh…okay," Penny said, at last setting down the one salvaged plate. She grinned impishly. "Are you sure you two don't just wanna go back to enjoying your…dessert?"

"What on _earth_ are you talking about?" Sheldon asked. "Dessert? We weren't eating anything, and even if we were, why would we eat dessert before eating dinner? Honestly, Penny, what do you think we are? Hippies?"

Penny's grin dropped. "No, I…I meant that you were…you know what, never mind. Enjoy." She briskly walked away.

"Thanks, bestie," Amy called out to her, then turned back to look at Sheldon. She looked down at her steaming plate of food and picked up her fork and knife.

Sheldon watched her, somehow entranced, for reasons he didn't know. She began cutting into her steak, only to peek up at him and suddenly furrow her eyebrows.

"What?"

"What do you mean, _what?"_ Sheldon asked.

"You're smiling at me," Amy said.

Sheldon's eyes widened at that. "I am?"

"Well, you were. Just a moment ago."

"Oh," Sheldon said. How could he not have realized that? Apparently he was just doing things unconsciously now. Very strange, indeed. He'd need to look into that more later.

"By the way, Sheldon, when Penny said 'enjoying our dessert,' she was referring to the action we were partaking in prior to her dropping your food on the floor."

"Oh. I see," Sheldon said. She could've just said that instead of using some vague metaphor. He had something more important on his mind, though. "Just out of curiosity, not at all relating to my own curiosity or anything like that because that's just absurd. Did you…enjoy the action in which we were partaking in?"

"Yes. I enjoyed it a lot," she said with confidence, although her expression then became a bit uncertain. "Did _you _enjoy it?"

"Yes," Sheldon said without needing to take a moment to contemplate it. "I found it highly enjoyable. More so than I thought I would."

"Good," Amy said. "So, does that mean it's something you would consider doing again?"

"Yes."

"Right now?"

"Yes," Sheldon said, then stopped himself. His unconscious desires were taking over his conscious thoughts. "Wait. No. Maybe. I don't know. Stop asking me so many questions, woman."

"Perhaps after we've finished eating?" Amy suggested.

"Well, considering that the chefs need to prepare me an entirely new burger, and Penny is our waitress, that could take a while," Sheldon said.

Amy grinned slyly. "Are you implying that you can't wait that long?"

Sheldon thought about it. He hadn't considered that, but maybe that was precisely what he was implying.

"Perhaps I am," he admitted.

"Well, in that case…"

She set down her eating utensils and began to stand up.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon asked.

"Getting some dessert," Amy said as she took her purse and draped the strap over her shoulder.

"Do you mean actual dessert, or…the other thing?"

Amy raised an eyebrow. "What do _you _think?"

Sheldon blinked. How'd this all happen? It took everything he had not to blindly follow her out the door. _Good Lord, what's happening to me? I'm becoming Leonard. I have got to maintain some control here. If not over this relationship, then at least over myself.  
_

"I'm still hungry, though."

"We can stop for food at Big Boy," Amy offered.

Sheldon immediately got to his feet, throwing some money on their table. For once, he didn't care what he'd just spent or how much change he was owed. He only knew he had to be wherever this woman was taking him.

"All right," he agreed.

She grinned, and with that, she turned and headed for the exit. He followed her out. Neither of them noticed Penny, who'd returned to their abandoned table. She caught them leaving the restaurant, watching as they exchanged meaningful glances with each other.

Penny smiled to herself. "Go Shamy. 'Bout damn time."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, that's the end. As always, thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoyed and please review one last time. :)


End file.
